There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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