i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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