forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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