I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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