he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
