At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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