So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
