this boner is exhausting
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
