I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize