Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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