Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
