Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
