Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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