how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
