I saw his package. It spoke to me.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
