Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
