Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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