If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
