when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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