she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
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On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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