whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
