im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
