Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
