When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
