i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
