can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
