i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
