Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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