Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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