Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
