So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
