i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
