so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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