Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
