She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
