We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
