If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize