So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
