I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
