If i come over, it means nothing
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
