Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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