she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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