This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
