did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
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It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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