Cold hands, warm shart.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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