White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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