Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
birth control should be required to get into college
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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