I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
