That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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