he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
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Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
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I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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