Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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