i need an iv and a liver transplant
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
