Please, let me fuck your mom
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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