weddingsv make me drug and hornr
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
