The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
