I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
