apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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