So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The Olympian is in my bed
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
