he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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