There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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