pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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