when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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