I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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