I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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