Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
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my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
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Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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