Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
