I just made out with a guy for $7.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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