dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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