I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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