I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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